DALLAS VALO

I absolutely love when I read scripture and it makes you wonder.I was reading through Psalm 8 earlier and came across this.”When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,what is man that you are mindful of him,…..”Psalm 8:3-4Who are we that the God of the universe wants to be friends? Who are we that He would love us more than the number of grains of sand on all the beaches.We are sinners. Just small humans on one planet in an endless galaxy.”The galaxies bow at your feet, but still you dine with me..” Gable Price and Friends: “underdressed” song.So before you feel unwanted, unloved, like “nobody cares”, remember that quote about.”The galaxies bow at your feet, but still you dine with me”You’re more important than the galaxies.You.The one reading this.

I recently discovered a band who I’ve really gotten into listening to more and more of.

They are an alternative band, who’s lyrics hit me deeper than any lyricist, band, song, ever has. I won’t go into detail.

But there’s just two lines that I’d like to share with you and help you see things in a different perspective as well.

“Offend my mind.”

Think about that.

Crying out to God to offend your mind.

The thoughts you have aren’t like His.

Giving up your mind, to come to know Him more.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Deny yourself. Let God offend your mind, so you can know Him more.

And lastly:

“Crucify my disbelief”

Pretty deep, right?

Ask God to kill off anything that is keeping you from believing in Him. From trusting in Him. Because your disbelief just means you don’t have trust in Him even when you think you do.

I’ve heard thousands of bands, songs, genres over the years. According to Spotify I was in the top 1% of their listeners the past few years.

And those two lines were the only ones to ever hit me in a deep spiritual way and make me think.

I’m already an over thinker so my mind has been dwelling on those two lines for awhile now.

Offend my mind.

Crucify my disbelief.

I dare you to really think deep on those two lines. It may help you see things in a different way.

In case your wondering, those two lines came from the band:

Gable Price and Friends in a song called “Heretic”

Check them out!

I Am Judas’ kiss.’

I was reading this morning and came across sections of a story that I’ve read numerous times. I’ve highlighted some sections in the past, even probably written notes throughout the course of reading. But it hit different this time.

Their is a section of the Bible where Judas agrees to betray Jesus and lead the chief priests of that time directly to him. The deal, was for 30 pieces of silver.

I felt those words jumped out at me.

I have been working atleast 60 to 70 hours a week lately to make money.

All the while, pushing Jesus to the side. Can’t make rent money if I’m at church. Can’t make rent money if I’m attending church groups.

Man. I sound like Judas.

Pushing Jesus aside just to have some change in my pocket.

But don’t we all do something similar?

Read your Bible…

“Not tonight, I’m too tired.”

Go to church.

“Can’t make money at church.”

Turn off Netflix and dedicate your time to Jesus.

“OH, but this is my favorite show and I’m so close to finishing it.”

I am Judas’ kiss. It hurts my heart to say that, but in some ways, so are you.

Let’s give all our attention back to God.

When has He ever betrayed us?

Never.

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”

Stories are supposed to have some sort of back story that leads up to main concept of it.

Whether that’s certain events, or times, big (or small) moments in the characters lives.

Key factors that somehow blend everything together as the story progresses.

Well, if it wasn’t for these first few events that I will be writing about, none of this would have ever come into existence.

I can’t remember the exact year, month, or even where these events took place, but these certain moments I clearly recall.

They have made me who I have now become.

I’d like to share just one with you at the moment. But I promise there are more to come.

1: Christmas morning. The most exciting day of the year for well, almost everyone I know. And for me, it has always been my favorite holiday.

I don’t remember what year it was. But I was young. Somewhere between age 5 and 9. I may not remember the year, but I remember everything else.

It was a typical Christmas in Powell, TN. A bit chilly, winter warning in effect, with occasional snow flurries fluttering their way to the ground. Quick to melt upon impact.

We were poor. Dirt poor. Cashing food stamp checks at the local grocery store poor to cover our food expenses. My mother, I, and my two brothers.

A one bedroom trailer, where the heater had a hard time competing with the coldness that being in a trailer brings in winter.

My mother had a bed, and we occasionally took turns sleeping there, or on the floor, because not all of us could fit on it.

But with this being Christmas morning, all of us jumped up for joy when we woke up. Taking turns waking one another up as our screams penetrated throughout the trailer park.

I was the first to peek out of the bedroom into our living room to see what Santa had dropped off for us. The moment I looked out, my eyes lit up.

In fear.

There was someone in our living room.

I leaned back, whispering, “there’s someone out there.” They heard me, but didn’t hear what I said.

“What?” My mother replied.

I looked again.

Still there.

But I had never seen anything like it before. But I knew it was a person.

Then, it was as if my mind took a screenshot of what I was seeing as I leaned back, and spoke again. Still in a whisper.

“There’s someone out there.”

My mother quickly got up and walked out there and came back.

“No, there’s not.”

Puzzled, I said, “yes there is.”

I looked out again.

Nothing but a lit Christmas tree stuffed underneath with whatever presents that year had brought in for us.

My brothers started rushing out there.

“Dont!” Too late. They don’t listen as I sat there in fear, puzzled and confused all at the same time.

“And what did you see?” My mother asked as she could see on my face, I was serious. I saw someone. Something.

“A lady.”

“What?” She replied.

“A lady. In blue. Blue long sleeve top. Blue dress. White ribbon thing around her head and waist. “

“And what was she doing?” My mother asked, I could sense the sarcasm in her voice. She didn’t believe me.

“She was kneeling. Praying by the tree.”

“How do you know she was praying?” She asked.

So I got on my knees, interlocked my hands, and showed her.

“Yeah, ok. Get out there with your brothers.”

That frustrated me. Not that she wanted me to go get my presents which I had been excited for all year, but because she didn’t believe me.

I work my way to the delivery area, where Santa dropped off whatever items he picked up from the dollar store this year.

Knock. Knock.

My mother answers the door.

It was our neighbor. Her friend. Who was bringing over atleast 1 gift for each of us. One of her guy friends.

She began talking to him and I could hear in the background…

“My oldest was saying he saw someone praying by the tree just before we came out here…”

I interrupted: “I did.”

Not even looking their way.

“What did they look like?” He asked.

I began telling him, while opening presents and hoping my voice echoed enough to him behind me.

He obviously hears me as he interrupts me by saying…” wait, you mean her?”

I immediately spin around.

He is pulling a few Christmas cards out of his Bible and on the front of one of the cars is Mary. Jesus’ mother.

In the same exact outfit I was describing to both my mother and him.

“Yes! That’s her!”

Both my mother and him immediately take their eyes off of me and look at one another.

I watched their stomach sink.

I had never seen a picture of Mary, Jesus, or anything even close to that before this moment.

My mother was a single mother, by her own choice, and since she was into witchcraft and all that nonsense, we had never set foot into a church before this moment.

So for me to describe what I saw, in detail, she had to have started second guessing her belief system if even for just that one second before she went back to her other beliefs.

2 days later we are visiting another one of her friends, some older lady who lived behind us, just across the small, dried up creek.

Atleast half the size of a football field away, separated by trees growing in the empty creek area.

*Boom!

We hear a loud noise.

But we blow it off.

Gunshot noises weren’t constant, but we became familiar with that noise.

Only this time, we were wrong.

“Probably one of that drug deals gone bad again.” My mother’s friend said as they quickly blew off the loud noise.

30 minutes go by. A knock at the door of the friends house were hanging out at.

“Thank God you guys are safe.” The lady cries out as the door opens and she sees us.

My mother replies laughing, “what do you mean?”

“You don’t know….”

“No.?” My mother replies.

“That loud noise, was your trailer. Something exploded and your trailer is gone.”

All three of us boys rush outside, not knowing what she meant. My mother and her friends are following behind at a much slower pace.

Firetruck. Police cars. Water. Lots of water. And our trailer….

Completely burnt.

A firefighter comes out carrying one of our teddy bears.

He hands it to me.

“This is the only thing left inside. Everything else is gone. I’m sorry. “

All of us began crying.

That event sticks with me.

But the memory that sticks even more, and comes to my attention almost on a weekly basis since that event some 20 to 25 years ago, is this.

What I saw in our living room two days before.

Mary. Jesus’ mother. (Or what I perceived to be her based on my description and what we saw on that card) praying, in our living room. In front of the couch and the Christmas tree.

We found out later on, that that couch, the electric outlet behind it, is where they pinpointed the origin of the fire. I don’t remember any other details but that.

Had we not gone over to a neighbors house when we did that day, we probably would have all died.

That was the first event that truly impacted my life. My memory. And left a lasting impression on my soul.

The first of many.

Each way, crazier than the last. But so deep. It might help you see things a little differently.

There is a reason you are reading this today.

God knew you would be reading this right now. He wants you to know, He loves you.

He will protect you. As He did me.

Let Him speak to you through my stories and how He has impacted my life. In hopes that He can reach your heart.

• Shalom.

The Beyond

Watching the sun slowly creep down behind the treacherous terrain of the Appalachian Mountains, Erin’s mind began to ponder.

Described by her friends as a ‘thought searcher’, most of her days were spend lost in thought on the vast array of what lies beyond this Earth.

Deep inside of her own mind, she would tune out the conversations going on around her and sometimes would never hear if anyone was directly talking to her.

With her brother Daniel battling cancer for the past few years and now within months, even days of dying, she could only think of what would happen to him once he passed. Is there heaven? Is there hell?

Her mind always wondered the same thing many of us have thought about from time to time, because after the visual evidence, theres got to be something more than this.

Something beyond, something more powerful than the ridiculous illusion that we somehow evolved from apes.

But what?

What could have created the mountains, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, the miles and miles of deep ocean water with little ‘islands of land’ that somehow stay afloat and never sink deep into the darkness below the surface?

Of the many things that have crossed Erin’s disorganized thinking pattern, that’s the only thing she wanted…no, demanded, an answer to.

It’s so much more than just a simple question. DNA, the human brain, that controls everything down to the very blood circulating throughout the body keeping everyone alive and moving, theres got to be something out there.

Rocks.

Theres no way in hell a human created those things. And it’s not only that, everything from rocks, to space, to bugs, and animals.

Life is so complex.

These many things crossed her mind as she stared intently at that giant ball of fire completing its final act of disappearing behind the blackened silhouette of the mountains.

Having never said a prayer in her life, the many thoughts that crossed her mind made her curious to give it a shot just to see what would happen, after all what’s the worst that can happen?

‘I dont really know what to say or who I’m praying to, but if you’re out there, whoever you are, please be with my brother.

I dont know what’s going to happen to him once this cancer takes over but show me something, anything, to give me some sort of hope. Thanks’

Expecting something to happen right away, or to get a call from anyone in her family, she lost all hope in a ‘Higher Power’ when her phone never rang.

“Oh well,” she thought as she climbed off that tailgate of her Toyota Tacoma she was sitting on enjoying the view.

She began to head home since it was getting dark outside and she had to be up early for another day of work tomorrow.

Pulling in to the driveway, she could see the lights on inside, meaning her mother was still awake.

Her mother was always in bed by about 7 pm most nights, so Erin figured something must be wrong if she was still up this late at night.

Rushing inside to check on her mom, she found her sitting at the kitchen table, tears rolling down her face, so she began to assume the worst.

Her brother must have passed while she was being selfish, going up to the mountains to get away from all the chaos and sadness for a little while.

“No!!!” Erin screamed as tears began rolling down her face dragging her many shades of make up in streams flowing down her cheeks.

“Erin why are you crying? It’s not what you think!”

“Not what I think? What else could it be?”

Her mind now began to ponder any and every possibility on why her mother would be up this late crying at the kitchen counter with a cup of hot charcoal black coffee and her King James Bible in front of her.

“I got a call from the doctor today, by some miracle, Daniel’s cancer just up and disappeared and the doctors have no idea how it was even possible, so they double and triple checked and it is completely gone! They just called an hour ago”

As her mind began to race, Erin thought back to the moment she was sitting on the back of her truck…Remembering it was about an hour ago that she prayed that simple prayer.

“You are real…” she muttered under her breath finally coming to realize there is something greater in the ‘beyond’.

Crimson Owls:The winter breeze sends chills down my spine. I shiver. I stare off into the distance into winter coat blanketed mountains as I watch my breath exit from my nostrils as I exhale. But I’m not staring in admiration.I’m deep in thought. To be honest, I could give a fuck less about those beautiful snow covered mountains. I re focus my attention to the prison walls of my mind. Some things can just never leave. And yet, as much as I hate it, even more than this fucking cold weather, I stay there. Inside of my mind. All day.And all night. Stuck on memories of the past. Things that used to matter the most to me. Why? Because I was in a much better place during those times. These days and nights now, are just miserable. I begin my trek. My trek into the wilderness. A mental wilderness. It’s quiet time. I quickly turn my view from the nature before me and head back home. In complete silence. As my foot slips, on the recently added glow of red paint on the snow. Metaphorically, it’s paint. You get the picture. I enjoy the silence. Just moments ago, I would’ve covered my ears. But I was on a mission. A mission to destroy something so beautiful.(Suicide)Chapter 1:It’s been years since my accident. I hope the coroner marked it as an “accidental death”. Just to bring comfort to my “loved ones”. Or so society labels them. Whatever. By my accident, if your small little brain hasn’t put two and two together, was my suicide. I finally accomplished my mission. Destroying the most beautiful person I know. Myself. I am stating that not out of being conceited, but because I know the me that you don’t know. I’ve always known I have a beautiful soul, but thanks to circumstances that were out of my control in life, that beautiful soul became more damaged, bruised, hurt, and any other synonym you can play with…broken. Now, here we are. I am writing to you out of my soul, my spirit, the one you failed to recognize. You always saw the outside, never knew how I was feeling. I tried reaching out for help, but you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I don’t mean a specific you, it’s a universal “you”, as in, all of YOU that wouldn’t just…listen. There is a saying that goes, “you need help” or “get some help”, but what if everytime you try to ask for emotional help you get shut down. Shut down from the small circle of “close” people you have in life. The ones your supposed to love and care about. Guess the feelings not mutual. You know I’m right. To make me clear, after all my suicide attempts in the past, still to this day, Noone ever calls to check on me. To make sure I’m not thinking of ending my life soon. No. Nothing. So I try. “Hey”.Well that “Hey” gets ignored. So I’ll word it different. “Hey, I need help. I really want to die right now. Please help”. Oh, did that get your attention?Maybe I should just started texting that instead of “hey”. But I wouldn’t want to take up too much of your time. I dont like society, let alone people. So if youre in my life to the point that we have each other’s numbers. And I first text you with a simple “hey”, you should know something wrong. Because it’s not my thing to text or call anyone. But if I do, then somethings really wrong. But….You never noticed my cry for help. Why? Because you never listened. Even the simplest words speak the loudest. I never wanted things to end like this. But when you realize there is no help out there for you, then the only thing left is to help yourself. And if helping yourself means destroying yourself in a hope of eternity, that must explain my 5 failed attempts. I can’t even help myself. So I suffer. Everyday is worse than before. Every smile is faker than the one before. But I’m a fighter.So I fight to get help. But it never came. Eventually you get to the point where it’s time to throw in the towel because you can’t get ahead in life at all. So what’s the point in trying anymore?All this fighting has my soul exhausted. The hope for any help, was never there. So I stand here, Admiring the snow covered mountaintops. It’s the most beautiful thing I can see anymore. Me thinking I was the most beautiful thing is now gone. Thanks to the years of brokenness. And lack of help. But these….The mountains….Damn.I take a breath in, and breath out slowly as I put the pistol to my head. Goodbye loneliness. Hello happiness. Now here we are. My story told from beyond the grave. It’s beautiful here. Like butterflies and rainbows….Like the red and white combination of the CRIMSON OWLS

When the stars align, everything seems perfect. Nothing else in the world matters. A moment in time when every wish comes true, and everything you could ever ask for, comes to life. In one moment in time, you feel as if you are in control. Almost as if you hold the universe in your hands.. but what if, you were given that privilege, but told you were only allowed to use it once? For only one full day out of your entire life. To change anything you want, even interfering with free will. When and how would you choose to use it? Embark on this journey with Ania as we unravel her story on how one moment in time, changed everything forever.

Ania sat isolated in her room. Lights off. Curtains closed. The only sound was blasting through her headphones as she rested her head on top of her folded arms that rested on her computer desk. Sound of Silence piercing through her ear drums. Only someone in this state of mind could fully understand what sound silence actually cried out. The fully orchestrated sound of destruction and tears intertwined with mental exhaustion.

It has only been a few days since her ex had left. They conquered the world together, and now the world was conquering her. Everything was perfect…or so she thought. The break up took her by surprise, she would have never expected that day to happen. But it was here, and she had to deal with it. There would be no getting back together with him, he made that very clear through the countless texts she received after the fact. She handled it the only way she knew how. Self isolation, self destruction, attending the funeral of all the emotions she once held so dear. Candle lit vigil with a solo attendant, layered head to toe in all black attire as the casket of hope buried itself beneath the very ground she walked on. Twwww… she spit on the casket as it disappeared into the darkness.

The tears flowed, no matter how hard she tried to hold them back. The Sound of Silence became so loud it was almost deafening. She ripped the headphones out of her ears and repositioned herself, laying her head back atop of her wounded arms. Her arms were covered with cut wounds scattered all over them. Almost as if she had gotten into a razorblade battle with herself, and lost. But those battle wounds weren’t visible to the outside world, no. Thats what the long sleeve shirt was for.

As she lay there, wounded, trapped behind enemy lines, backed into a corner and taking a mental beating, she felt something that felt like a hand on her shoulder. She lived alone, and as far as she could remember, all doors and windows were locked. She quickly lifted her head and turned around. What she saw before her eyes was beyond mesmerizing. Her eyes widened as she sat in awe.

It was her father, who had passed away when she was 10. He was surrounded by a beautiful white glow, guarded by many angels who stood close to him. The halo that sat above his head had a beautiful gold shine. She was frozen. Couldn’t find the words to say, or even the strength to move. But that was ok, because he spoke first. “Ania…” It was a heavenly voice. One of love and comfort. “My child. I understand you are going through a time time. I love you.” Tears of joy overpowered the ones that cried out just moments before. “I was given a mission. A chance to make things better for you, but its important you hear every detail.” She shook her head in agreement.

He reached into his beautiful white ivory robe and pulled out a key. This key was a beautiful rose gold color, her favorite. “This key will allow you to control the universe, to change anything you want, as many times as you want to, but, its a one day pass. Once you use it, that’s it. So my dear, I advise you to choose carefully when you decide on a time. The consequences could be severe if you unlock everything at the wrong time.” He handed her the key. The moment it was firmly in her hand, he began to fade away. “No! Please don’t go!! Dad! I love you!” She cried out as she heard the faint reply, “I love you too Ania.”

It was amazing being able to see her father, whom she hadn’t seen in 20 years. She wished she would have been able to hug him close before he left. That would have made everything better. As she fantasized about what she could have done, she snapped back to reality and stared at this beautiful key that lay in her hands. I can change anything I want, as many times as I want, for one day, she thought to herself as the many ideas began flooding her mind. What would she change? Her father warned her that using it at the wrong time could have severe consequences, but what was the right time? And if there were consequences, she had a whole day to fix them….right? Atleast thats how she understood it.

The problem she was struggling with was trying to determine the right time to use the key. Her overthinking overpowered her mind at the many possibilities that lay before her. Every minute detail, and outcome of every situation presented itself in grand fashion within a matter of seconds. Patience was non-existent to Ania. The idea of waiting for the “right time” sounded just as farfetched as women who, by choice, were single, waiting for their knight in shining armor to show up. “Thats it.” She said out loud. If there was a right time, it had to be right now, according to Ania. “Tomorrow’s not promised. And today is miserable.” She began firmly gripping the key, trying to figure out what the hell she had to put the key in for this universe thing to be hers.

She gripped tighter and tighter. The only thing she wanted more than anything, the one thing she would change if given the chance, was to have him back. Not her father, as much as she loved him and hated him being gone, there was a different type of love with the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Now she had the ability to change that. To go back to the happiest moment in her life and relive those endless nights cuddled up to the man of her dreams, watching whatever the hell was on tv. Back to feeling like life is great, and nothing else mattered as she looked deep into his oceanic blue eyes and felt at peace. That was what she wanted. Nothing else. “I know what I want, but I dont know where this stupid key is supposed to go.”

The lights flickered constantly, almost as if she were attending a sold out rave show, powered by bass and electronic music. “What the…” Flash. Everything disappeared as she began twirling about through some sort of intergalactic tunnel. It was very similar to the imaginary time travel experiences she had seen in the countless movies her and her ex would watch late at night. Only this one was real. No actors. She was experiencing it first hand, and within a matter of seconds, she awoke in a frantic motion on the couch she shared with the love of her life. “Whats wrong?” He asked, as her sudden movement woke him up as well. “I just had the weirdest dream. But it was so real.” She replied as she wrapped her arms around him. “I love you.” She said as she rested her head on his shoulder, and watched as the key she once held in her hand faded out until the point that it completely disappeared. She gasped and whispered “It was real….”

“What was?” He replied as he pulled back to look at her. “Oh, nothing honey.” As she said that, she pulled him close and locked lips with him. Here’s to the rest of our lives, she whispered to her mind as she was lost in the kiss. Little did she know, the quick impulse she made based on her current feelings wouldn’t turn out the way she hoped. The quick irrational decision had actually mixed up the rotation of the stars and rearranged everything to the point that Heaven and Hell were now intertwined with one another. Ania has now unleashed the curse her name has haunted her with her whole life. Ania is also the name of a Greek Goddess. Ania : The Goddess of Sorrow.